[NoHo Arts District, CA] – The State of Show Business: “Confidence, Self-Doubt, Faking It.”
I wish I had a simple answer or advice for the subject of confidence in the business. In the early days of my acting career, I had nothing but confidence. I read for virtually every casting opportunity in New York. I auditioned for musicals, even though I couldn’t sing at that level. I read for roles that were not traditionally available for me; case in point. One of my first plays that I auditioned for was for, Sweet Bird of Youth in Weston, Connecticut. I read for the role of Chance Wayne, played by Paul Newman on Broadway and in the film version. Rumour had it that Paul Newman himself might attend the play once it was up. He lived in the same town as the Weston Playhouse. After hearing my read, the director was very kind and said that I had great magnetic energy, but that I was not right for the role. He gave me the role of Fly, the hotel busboy. I didn’t know any better and was incredibly excited to do my first play. As things went the first 18 months of my career, I was fearless and kept reading not knowing I should be afraid and selective. Fortunately, I booked a lot of work that first year.
After I made the move to California for film work, I got a taste of rejection after rejection. I also lost a lot of self-confidence. I was asked to audition with an accent most of the roles and the majority of the rest – they were Spanish-speaking parts. Once again, no complaints. I was working a lot, but not in the roles that I truly wanted to play. Then an interesting thing happened. I booked a reoccurring role on a network show where every week, I just had to be myself. I was specially told that I was hired because they liked my character (continence). I was told this by, at the time, the most powerful woman in television. She said her show would be like Cheers and that I would be like Norm or Cliff. The show got cancelled after the third season.
After that, I went into a short-lived tailspin, not being able to book anything mostly because I was too desperate to work and the rejections seemed more and more personal. My day job, teaching tennis, was beginning to pick up as my acting career took a backseat to my finances. I had a family to take care of and I needed some security and steady income. I did work some more, but not on a regular basis.
Then it occurred to me that I had gone from a professional actor, who teaches tennis once in a while to a professional tennis instructor, who acts once in a while. That was the epiphany. I had given up on myself as a working actor because of the multitudes of “No thank you. We’ll keep you in mind.” I was lost. Then one bleak morning at the tennis courts waiting for the next student in a series of students to arrive, I had another thought. I can do both. I can still pay my bills by doing something I do well and help others and still continue with my acting career. It wasn’t a matter of one or the other. It was all about that ancient phrase, “Fake it until you make it,” that I took to heart. With a little modification on my part, I changed my mind to putting all of my energies into performing during my auditions rather than viewing for a job. The audition was the job. I am glad to report that things are better on the acting front. It isn’t quite as good as it was a few years ago, but I believe my future is brighter when I take action than when it was all about the scarcity of the work.